i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize