As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize