sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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