You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
