i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
