why didn't you poke me back
babies were throwing up all over the place
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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