Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
