so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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