Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
