someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
