why didn't you poke me back
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
