I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
