dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
