how can u be prego again
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
