the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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