I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
