I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
