I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
