Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
