Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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