I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize