Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
