There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
