i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
