my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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