I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
