Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
