I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
