So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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