Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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