You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
