Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
