Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
