sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
