he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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