We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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