So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
