I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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