I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i out mim tonsoeep
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