You made me cry and you don't even care
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
