You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
