I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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