I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
