oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
