I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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