I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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