Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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