did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
