When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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