he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
