So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
