butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
