Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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