My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
