It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize