i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
