perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
