No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
