I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize