Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
