True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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