Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
