About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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