ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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