I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
3pm strippers are depressing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize