Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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