guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fuck appropriateness.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
