i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize