He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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