The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
