In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
