He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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