I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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