I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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