period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we're making bets on your personal life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
