At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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