Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
