I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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