At least make sure they are 18
Why
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
