is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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