dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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