I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
