Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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