He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
