I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
