i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
