ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
