I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
