you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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