Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
