hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
