dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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