i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
