got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
