Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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