I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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