having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
