I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
