it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
how drunk are you?
Several
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
