official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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