I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
