so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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