I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
