know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
