We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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