You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
