Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
