last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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