you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
