Umm I'm too high to move.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
