Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize